One in 10 parents in the UK population have been affected by the same abuse Kat Slater is currently enduring at the hands of her own son Tommy Moon – and survivors are calling for change.
The long-standing EastEnders legend portrayed by Jessie Wallace has been thrown into another nightmare as her son Tommy Moon (played by Sonny Kendall) began to display troubling behaviour, lashing out against his mother both verbally and physically. But in scenes aired this Wednesday (October 9), Kat’s torment reached new and sickening levels.
Viewers of the BBC One soap were stunned as Tommy delivered a brutal punch to his own mother. However, unlike the fictional drama, many parents in real life face abuse from their children—whether verbal, physical, financial, or even sexual—without any escape behind closed doors.
‘One parent every 19 days’
Tommy’s behaviour began to spiral out of control during the summer, as the teen tried to play matchmaker between his mother Kat and Phil Mitchell (Steve McFadden), whom he has grown up to consider a role model. However, after being unable to fix their marriage, Tommy has become increasingly volatile, resulting in him victimising his mother.
Speaking about the storyline upon its announcement, Chris Clenshaw, Executive Producer, said: “Kat is well-known in Albert Square for her no-nonsense attitude and fiery temper, but this storyline will explore how Tommy manipulates Kat’s unequivocal love for her son to exert his anger and elicit control.”
“Jessie [Wallace] and Sonny’s [Kendall] performances have sensitively depicted the complex realities of child-to-parent abuse, showcasing the impact of Tommy’s behavior on their relationship and the broader Slater-Moon family dynamic.”
To ensure the storyline’s accuracy, EastEnders has collaborated closely with charities Family Based Solutions and PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support), both dedicated to assisting victims of child-to-parent abuse (CPA).
In an interview with The Mirror, Michelle John, Founding Director of PEGS and someone with personal experience in this area, noted that CPA affects one in ten parents, which represents about 3% of the UK population. The abusive behaviors that fall under the CPA umbrella can vary widely, encompassing everything from coercion and control to sexual abuse, regardless of the child’s age.
“For example”, Michelle told us, “17% of those that PEGS support, their child is sexually abusing their parent, which is a shocking statistic, but sadly, one that is, is the reality for so many families. We’re talking about all forms of behaviour that you would perhaps see within an intimate partner relationship.” And much like any other intimate partnership, the abuse can have devastating consequences.
“We further know through research again, but one parent every 19 days is killed in England and Wales at the hands of their child – with the youngest child just being 11 years old”, Michelle added, before referring to a legal case which has rapidly unfolded this year in Old Bailey.
“There is currently a young person on trial at the Old Bailey for attempting to kill her mother. At just 12 years old, she became the youngest person ever to appear before the Old Bailey. Now 13, she pleaded guilty last month and is expected to be sentenced either in November or early December.”
A complex range of causes
Walford residents and viewers may explain Tommy’s violent behaviour away as the result of Phil Mitchell’s influence, after the Albert Square tough man gained a reputation for his public brawls and penchant for brutality. But for Michelle, causes for a child’s violent acts are difficult to find.
“What we know is that under 50% of those that we support have experienced intimate partner abuse”, she pointed out. “We’re asked time and time again, what causes this? The reality is, there is no one answer for that. It’s a form of abuse that is incredibly complex.”
Many families, in Michelle’s words, may display identifiable risk factors, which include previous domestic abuse, poor mental health, substance misuse or bereavement. “But equally”, she continued, “we do support parents where there is no identifiable cause and the reality is, isn’t it that these families are living in trauma, and that’s going to have an impact on all of that family’s mental health to some degree.”
Compounding the issue, parents often struggle to find the help they need outside their homes, as child-to-parent abuse (CPA) is a heavily stigmatized issue. Michelle noted, “Society is already the harshest critic of parents. They face judgment for everything, from their choices in raising their children to how they feed them. There’s always blame involved.”
This stigma surrounding CPA frequently results in parents being shamed for their children’s behavior, despite being victims themselves. “The people we support are remarkable; they genuinely want their child to receive help and are their children’s biggest advocates. What they don’t want is the abusive behavior. However, when they reach out for support, they’re often told, ‘You should take a parenting course; it must be your fault. What have you exposed that child to?'”
“This only adds to the stigma and the self-blame parents feel, leading to further isolation. At that point, many are reluctant to come forward for help.”
New ways to cope
But while Michelle highlights behaviours that could leave a parent suffering from CPA stranded and without help, one considerable change needs to come from the government itself as child-to-parent abuse has yet to be fully defined. “Within the domestic abuse act, child to parent abuse is recognised if the child is aged 16 or above, what is not recognized necessarily and certainly no legal definition is for those under the age of 16”, Michelle commented.
“One of the issues, or biggest barriers at the moment, is that there’s a postcode lottery across the UK, and certainly wider and so by having an agreed definition, that means that it’s a starting point to accept that this abuse is abuse, and it is happening to ensure that there’s support there, both for the families and also for professionals, and hopefully that will then escalate and make change.”
While charities like PEGS advocate for solutions, victims of child-to-parent abuse (CPA) are encouraged not to suffer in silence. Michelle emphasized that society must “normalize these conversations and create a space for parents or caregivers to express their feelings.”
She cautioned against speaking negatively about the child, noting, “At the end of the day, it is their child; they love them and want to see them get help and support. Consider having those discussions, if it’s safe to do so, and suggest resources like PEGS or other services that parents or caregivers can turn to for support.”
“If you’re an employer, we offer a free employer covenant available to any UK business that signs up. This initiative provides assistance with training, HR policies, and support to ensure that victims have the best chance to reach out and receive help. It’s crucial to have a process and framework in place for them, but we also need the government to establish a clear definition of this type of abuse.”
As Kat Slater’s storyline unfolds on our screens, PEGS’ fight continues and the charity will hold its first International Child To Parent Abuse conference this Monday, October 14.
- Iconic Coronation Street and EastEnders Star Passes Away Peacefully in Sleep
- Exclusive: EastEnders Star Hints at Character’s Fate Following Shocking Reiss Colwell Twist
- EastEnders Newcomer Unveils ‘Explosive’ Nicola Mitchell’s First Two Targets
- Big EastEnders Christmas Spoiler Leaked After Actress Accidentally Leaves Confidential Script on Train
- EastEnders’ Jill Halfpenny opens up about new relationship five years after the heartbreaking loss of her boyfriend at 43
- BBC EastEnders reveals the dark truth behind Nicola Mitchell’s arrival as her hidden agenda is uncovered
